Being an Autism Mom is a journey like no other, and along the way, I’ve realized that much of what I thought I knew about parenting needed to be unlearned and redefined. Autism doesn’t follow the rules of conventional parenting, it has its own playbook. Here are some of the biggest lessons I’ve had to unlearn and relearn.
1. It is My Cup that needs to be Filled First
Like many moms navigating parenting on a tight budget, I often felt like self-care was selfish, and so, for the longest time, I gave endlessly without focusing on my own well-being. It wasn’t until I crashed, unable to provide for my kids or even myself for months, that I realized that I was not only failing myself but also, harming my kids by not prioritizing my well-being.
I have since learnt that my own healing and well-being are essential for my child’s growth because it’s not just about surviving each day, but thriving alongside my child.
2. Conventional Parenting is not for Everyone
Conventional parenting advice is everywhere, but it doesn’t always apply when you’re raising an autistic child. Autism requires a whole new set of parenting strategies – ones that often defy what the world expects. It’s about learning to parent on the child’s terms, using tools and methods that resonate with their unique needs.
The truth is, autism has its own set of rules and this has taught me that there is no one-size-fits-all approach. Sometimes, what works for neuro-typical children will not work for an autistic child, and trying to force it only leads to frustration. Instead, I’ve had to learn that flexibility, patience, and deep empathy are the core pillars of my parenting style.
3. The Truth about the Causes of Autism is not Always Easy to Find
I have learned that much of the valuable information regarding the causes and treatment of autism may eventually be debunked as myths in favour of more ”sophisticated” scientific research. Unfortunately, up until today, such research has yet to provide us with clear, credible or logical answers.
Obtaining real, valuable information about autism often feels like going through the fire. Some doors yield no results, while others can lead to disappointment or even harm. It’s a process that has tested my trust in the medical system (both western and traditional), as well as the media. I have since learned to rely on my experiences and those of my community, as well as my intuition for answers, trusting my instincts as a mother navigating this complex journey.
4. Early intervention Does Not Mean Medication
One of the biggest things I’ve had to unlearn is the idea that early intervention refers to medication. While schools and medical professionals often recommend this route, I’ve come to see that there are many other holistic, organic methods available. Early intervention can, and should, focus on therapies and treatments that help the body heal itself, without always turning to medication.
In our journey, we took the medication route when my son was only 4 years old, and I have since learned how difficult it can be to wean a child off once they’re on it. The reliance on medication often grows, with dosages needing to be increased or new medication added as your child’s needs evolve, not to mention the side effects of western medication which often outweighs the benefits.
5. The Impact of GMO Foods on our Health
One of the most alarming things I’ve had to relearn is the truth about the food we eat. I have discovered that up to 80% of the food in our stores contains genetically modified organisms (GMOs). As a parent of an autistic child, nutrition is incredibly important to me, and learning this has made me re-evaluate everything I put on our table.
Our food system is often not designed with health in mind, especially when it comes to children with autism who may have unique dietary needs. It’s been a journey of learning to source organic, non-GMO foods and understanding how nutrition plays a critical role in my child’s overall well-being.
6. Autism is not Just Physical, it’s Spiritual
Perhaps one of the most profound realizations I’ve had is that autism is not just a physical condition. There’s more to autism than meets the eye and it’s deeply connected to the spiritual world. The saying “Everything starts in the spiritual before it manifests in the physical”, rings especially true for autism.
By viewing autism through a spiritual lens, I have developed a deeper consciousness of the world we live in. Autism has opened my eyes to the interconnectedness of life and the importance of seeing beyond the physical symptoms. It is a call to explore the spiritual aspects of our existence and to understand that our children may be here for a purpose much greater than we initially thought.
7. The Harsh Truth about the Autism Community Allies
For the longest time, I believed that the Health, Education and related sectors were the autism community’s biggest allies, however I have come to realize that governments worldwide have a primary responsibility to create jobs. My son being a lifetime customer is what keeps these sectors not only afloat, but thriving.
I have since learned that as parents of autistic individuals, we are the breakthrough we have been waiting for.
8. The Importance of Grasping the Lessons Offered by Autism
When the reality of autism first sunk in, I grieved – deeply. But I didn’t grieve for my son, despite being told he would never know life outside of the autistic state. I grieved for myself. I grieved for the carefree life I once had, the freedom I had taken for granted before autism came into my world. I mourned the future I thought I would have, and the ease of parenting I had once imagined. But, in time, I have learned that this grief was not just about loss, it was about transformation.
I have since learned that it is not only me who gets to be a “caregiver” for longer than I would have chosen had I been given the free will to do so. My son also remains my “baby” for as long as it takes for me to grasp the lessons that he is here to teach. His journey and mine are intertwined and the law of equivalent exchange is at play. This means that for as long as it takes me to realize the purpose of this exchange, my son will continue to offer those lessons.